rant

haven't done a rant in a while... I am interested to see how long this one goes...

I am single. I am attractive. I am sweet (not nice, there is a difference in that nice guys finish last, sweet guys don't finish...) and I am in touch with select few of my emotions, at times... (working on that one...) I am a marketable commodity when it comes to dating, I have known worse cases if nothing else. Yet I am not looking to market myself at all. I don't want or need a long term romantic relationship with anyone right now. I am pretty sure I don't even want a short term relationship right now. But my (first) question is this: It seems the people I have romantically interacted with of late are scared/unprepared for anything long term, yet they don't sit long enough to get to know anyone. Why is it as soon as I am not looking for a relationship, neither is anyone else and no one even wants to be friends any more. The one thing I am lacking in my life is a friendship with someone who I could have a relationship with, but don't, and prolly won't ever. I want a hot friend. Seriously. someone I could be attracted to, or am attracted to, but don't have any romance with. It just seems more and more the art of being someone's friend is lost in this day and age of sex, divorce, and heartbreak.

I really don't understand the opposite gender. The last three people I asked out, that is to go get a drink with me, said no under the pretence that they didn't want to start a relationship. God damnit people! I don't fucking want one either, I just want to get to know you fucking people so I might understand what it is I am attracted to in you and find out what that means for me. If I like you for any reason at all then there is something in me that I see in you. I figure if I can figure out what it is I keep getting so torn up about then maybe I can quit being so fucking torn up and start actually seeing people again on a level that I am not just using them for my more core, base desires. Mainly sex.

I think I need to kill something pixilated...